Friday, April 10, 2015

Rewinding: Fall 2014

So, I recently took a trip down memory lane and read about a dozen or so of my old blogs. And although I understand why I’m not writing as much as I used to, I know I will regret it later in life. 

These are some of the best years with the girls. Their awareness of the world is jumping by leaps and bounds and it’s truly amazing to watch them understand how and why things work. They are at this magical age of understanding most of what goes on, while still being so loving and innocent. 

Yet, here I am, failing to record most of it. It’s April and I still haven’t posted any birthday pictures. OF THEIR 5TH BIRTHDAY!!!! 

So, I’m pledging to myself (and I guess you) to try to write more often. I have so many stories I want to share with you and just don’t take the time to write them down. 

To get us started, we’re going to rewind the past several months and show a tiny peek at what you’ve missed. 

Fall 2014

Thursday, April 9, 2015

What If?

The girls have been playing this “what if” game lately. 

Mom, what if all the power went out?
Then we would call the power company. 
What if they couldn’t get it back on? 
They would. They always do. 
But what if they couldn’t??

Then I guess we’ll be stuck inside a J.J. Abrams show. 

Mom, what if we get to the Easter egg hunt and I don’t get any eggs?
You will. There are lots of eggs. 
But what if I don’t? 
You will. 
Grace will share some, I’m sure. 
But what if she doesn’t get any? 
She will. I’m telling you there are tons of eggs. All the kids get some. 
But what if we don’t??????


They are mostly these innocent, yet aggravating, what-if scenarios. But tonight, it took a slightly darker turn. 

After I told Claire that she wasn't in charge of Grace and didn’t make the rules for her, she said:

What if I am a grown-up and Grace stays a kid? 
That won’t happen. She’ll grow with you. 
But what if I do? Can I make her rules?
No. Even if that happened, I’d still be her Mom. 
But what if you died? Then I could be her Mom and make the rules. 
(Grace: I never want that to happen!)
Claire: I do. 
Me: Claire!! You want me to die just so you can make the rules for Grace? 

And then this look came over her face. You could tell she felt guilty. She kept looking at me and then looking back at the picture she was coloring. 

Me: Claire, you don’t mean that, right? 

A moment of silence. 

Then she doubled down. 

Claire: Yeah, I do. 

Then my heart broke. I knew she didn’t really mean it. I KNEW THAT. But it didn’t change how it felt when she said it. For context, just yesterday I read this article about how much your kids change when they get to middle school and how the dynamic changes and how shunned you will feel. So, I was already a little vulnerable on the matter. 

So, I just sat there, shocked at what she said and what I was feeling even though I KNEW she didn’t really mean it. 

A few minutes later I called her into the other room and she immediately crawled into my lap and rested her head on my shoulder. 

We just sat there like that for a couple of minutes before I said:

Claire, you really hurt my feelings when you said that. 

She slowly looked up with her own heart-broken look. She knew she had hurt me. And she didn’t mean to. She just wanted to make Grace’s rules — my death in the matter was just a means to an end. 

Did you mean what you said? 

She shook her head furiously and hugged me tightly. 

I know it won’t always be resolved that easily. I know she’ll say things she doesn’t mean. I know she’ll feel bad for saying them. And I know she’ll sometimes struggle to tell me that. But I also know that she loves me as much as I love her. 

But I may need y’all to remind me of that when she hits her teenage years. 

Thursday, January 22, 2015

You Are My Sunshine

I know everyone around here is relishing this nice weather and we are no exception. The cloudy, freezing days were enough to make any person go crazy, but then add in two kids and a puppy who can’t go outside, and it gets downright insane around here. 

But these past few days have been just what the doctor ordered. 

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

It's a ....

Boy. Girl. Girl Boy. Boy. Boy. Girl. Girl. 


Grace said she wanted a boy. Claire wanted a girl. I was good with either, but Scott was hoping to try his hand at a boy. 

When the technician told us, happy tears streamed down my face. Apparently I wasn’t expecting it!! 


For the time being, we’ve named the little man “Prince Fred Charming.” 

The Decision for No. 3

The questions started coming about a year after the girls were born: 
“So, you think you’ll ever have more?” 

At that time, I just laughed. The kind of laugh that has you rolling around on the ground with leaves in your hair. Think of having more?? Not any time soon. Like maybe sometime in the next decade. 

Over the next three years, the answer slowly evolved into “Yes, we have thought about it, but aren’t quite ready yet.” 

And then “Yeah, I think we want another, but we aren’t rushing things.” 

And finally, just to ourselves, we answered “Yes, yes, yes!” 

And then a few months down the road, during a particularly challenging month for the four of us, “No, no, nooooooooooo.” 

Needless to say, we bounced back to “yes, yes, yes!” 

And crossed our fingers for just one this time. 

Monday, January 19, 2015

So. Many. Emotions.

This pregnancy feels so different than the last one. My feelings are more wide-ranging and complex. Last go-round, all I thought about was having those babies. Nothing else in my life mattered but those little babies kicking around in there. I was a very one-track mind. 

This time, though, I find myself running a spectrum of feelings about … every hour. 

I, of course, feel SO happy. It’s been years since I thought much about babies (and having my own), but now every time I see one, I think — that’s going to be me in a few months! I’m also soooooo excited to find out if we are having a boy or a girl. With the girls, we went in for a sonogram at 16 weeks to check on those little turkeys and were surprised that we got to find out they were girls at that appointment. So, all of this anticipation is such a new feeling. HUGE props to those who can hold out for the full 40. I bow down to you. 

I also feel anxious. How will we make it all work?? I know now what having a baby is like — and how can I possibly do that again? Last time, ignorance was bliss. I knew I’d be tired, but good golly miss molly, I actually had no idea what tired even meant back then. This time, I know. AND I have kids who will need a Mom during the day — I imagine it will be much more difficult to “sleep while they sleep.” 

I also feel guilty. This is a weird one. But I’ve felt it off and on since Scott and I decided to go for No. 3. Spending five years devoting everything to Grace and Claire leaves me feeling a little guilty for adding a third and naturally taking away from what they’ve had to share all along. Before they were born, I took a breastfeeding class and I asked if my body would produce more milk since I was having two. She said it would be like the girls getting half a sandwich. And really, that’s been their story for the past five years. Sharing everything since before they were even born. 

BUT then my other hand says, what a second, Katie. I have siblings and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. And I was No. 2, so I didn’t have any time to myself. I’ve been sharing since I was born, too. It will actually be good for them to not be the center. (Or half of the center). It will be good for them to make sacrifices, see others’ needs, etc. 

Then I feel excited again, thinking about how fun it will be to experience this baby alongside my girls. Seeing it through their eyes will add another layer of awesome to the whole thing. 

And then I realize I need a nap because good grief I’m exhausted from all this overthinking. 

Friday, January 16, 2015

30 Seconds of Fame

A few months ago, a good friend of mine (who also runs an advertising agency) asked if the girls might be interested in being in a commercial. Knowing what a fun time it would be, we immediately jumped at the opportunity and so began the girls career in the acting biz. 

They were a little shy at first, but warmed up pretty quickly. By the last shot, they were being the little ornery monkeys I know they are at heart. 

The girls loved working with everyone and also didn’t mind getting to eat the cupcakes at the end.

Drum roll, please ...